Melancholy and the (In)Finite Sadness

Ever have one of those days when you just feel sad?  Today was one of those days; despite the beautiful Northern Ontario-like weather and a milk bottle of freshly cut pink peonies in front of me.

My day started as any other Thursday would…well, besides this pregnancy related issue that forces me to sit patiently on the side of the bed waiting for my pelvic bones to pop back into place – but that should subside in about 6 weeks.  I got up to feed and groom our little Whirlwind and dropped him off at daycare.  I headed back home and signed into my virtual office.  I turned on some music and ate fruit and yogurt while perusing the emails that arrived over night.  I answered those that required a reply and then started work on my performance assessment for my manager.  Then came the ping that a new email arrived – apparently I was not only sad but also easily distracted because I opened the email immediately.   The email was from a friend sending me this:

A Reminder that a Life is Worth More Than a Few Seconds Gained

Aaron’s words about his family’s experience had me in tears.  Not just a little misty but full crocodile tears running down my face.  Aaron’s love for his wife and family were more than evident in his words.  I wish him, his wife and son happy days ahead.  I thank Chelsea Vowel for sharing his story and important message.

The blog post combined with my rather Emo choice in music today (Chinawoman, Death Cab for Cutie, Badly Drawn Boy and Band of Horses) influenced my thoughts.  I started to think about things that I do not normally think about:

What if something were to happen to my husband? My kids? Me?

Why is there so much suffering in the world?

Why cannot everyone just choose acceptance?

Deep thoughts for a Thursday morning, I know.  It became hard to concentrate on my performance review.  Feeling sad and my usual inclination to play down my accomplishments did not jive with a document meant to toot my own horn.

Something needed to change.

I brought my laptop outside (shocking, I know!) to soak up some sunshine.  Changed the music to some upbeat Weezer (don’t hate – I was a teenager in the 90s!).  And then got a totally random text with a subsequent exchange that reminded me why I don’t get in a slump very often.  It’s hard to have serious thoughts and keep from laughing when you are married to Fuzz.

<I apologize for the graphic nature Mom and Dad>

Fuzz – Hey, I’m en route.  Get ready for a super sex session!

Me – Ha – whatever.

Fuzz – Whatever…I want? Thxs ur the best!

Me – You wish.  Nothing is going to happen anytime soon when my pelvis keeps dislocating.

Fuzz – Ouch, she’s doing a number on u eh?

Me – Maybe she is eating me from the inside.  Perhaps we should reconsider the Anishinaabe name and name her Renesmee?

Fuzz – ??

Me – Twilight, duh. (Wow – I never realized how many 90s colloquialisms remain in my vocabulary!)

Fuzz – Oh that’s the kid’s name??

Me – I give up.  My geeky jokes just go right over your head.

Then we went out to lunch at a local patio to celebrate the arrival of my Master’s degree.  We toasted with water and Guinness, sharing chili cheese fries.

The sadness had vanished.

Baamaapii.

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