Fuzzisms #5: The X Files

Our guilty pleasure, True Blood, ended it’s season this past Sunday.  In honour, this Fuzzism is dedicated to all things (super?)natural.

#1 – Vamps

Me – Stop chewing your nails.  It spreads germs.

Fuzz – What do you mean?  Nobody saw me, not even you.

Me – You are not a vampire, you cannot glamour me.

Fuzz – How do you know I am not a vampire.  I am dashingly handsome.

Me – <laughter>

Fuzz – If you want to glamour me, just keep laughing because they (the ginormous nursing boobs) keep jiggling.


#2 – Cryptozoology

Fuzz and I are driving down a rural road and there is a dead animal on the side of the road.

Fuzz – What the heck was that?!

Me – I think it was a dead cat.

Fuzz – Oh, I thought it was a mini abominable snow man.

Me – WTF?! <scrunched up weird face>

Fuzz – No, seriously.  It was white with a gray face and hands.

Me – Because cats are never white with gray markings <still wearing weird face>.



The Wedding Singer(s)

A friend of mine is getting married.  She is having a hard time choosing music – and rightly so; it is a huge decision to make.  Music is linked to memory and the chosen songs will always bring you back to that day.  I still have my wedding playlist saved to my phone (appropriately named Wedding Soundtrack…creative, huh?).  Here it is:


Canon in D – Johann Pachelbel

Guests were seated near the outdoor wedding pavilion on the Gran Bahia Principe Bahia resort in Punta Cana, Dominican Republic.

Sea of Love – Cat Power

My Dad walked me down the aisle.

Here Comes the Sun – The Beatles

Fuzz and I walked together back down the aisle to my favourite band – married!

I Will Follow You Into the Dark – Death Cab for Cutie

We danced our first dance as a married couple.

My Little Girl – Tim McGraw

I danced with my Daddy.  This song always still brings a tear to my eye.

God Only Knows – The Beach Boys

Fuzz danced with his Mom.

Footloose – Kenny Loggins

Our wedding party danced to this song.  I think the sprinkler, q-tip, and lawn mower dance moves were pulled out …not to mention the classic dance moves made famous by Chris Penn in the movie.

You’re My Best Friend – Queen

I had two men in my wedding party – my brother and my GBFF.  I danced with my GBFF (my man of honour) to this song.

Stand by Me – Ben E. King

I danced with my brother (my best man).  Stand by Me was our favourite movie when we were kids.  We can still recite the movie word for word – “Chopper sic balls”

White Wedding – Billy Idol

I danced with my Dad to this song…on a chair.  My Dad has a penchant for taking his shirt off while dancing to Billy Idol (don’t ask).  Particularly to Rebel Yell but this song fit the occasion. 

Loving, Touching, Squeezing – Journey

Fuzz removed the garter and tossed it to this song.  Besides, no wedding of mine would be complete without a song from my second favourite band.

Single Ladies – Beyonce

I tossed the bouquet.  This song is probably the standard for this part of any wedding now.

Stolen – Dashboard Confessional

This was our last dance of the night.  We all “look like we feel”.


What was (or will be) the song for your first dance?


Evolution of the Nap

1:30 – I am sitting on the edge of Whirlwind’s bed waiting for him to fall asleep while holding a sleeping baby.

1:35 – Whirlwind is sound asleep.

1:35:10 – I remove Thomas the Tank Engine from Whirlwind’s chubby hand.

1:36 – I walk down the hall to Sunshine’s room.

1:36:10 – I carefully check Sunshine’s limbs for the dead weight indicative of a sleeping baby.  Good to go.

1:36:15 – I place Sunshine on her back in her crib and wait with baited breath.

1:36:55 – I am now rocking Sunshine back to sleep on the recliner in her room.

2:30 – I wake with a pain in my neck from sleeping with my head bent over at an unnatural angle.

2:45 – Sunshine stirs with gassy pains.  I bicycle her legs and she seems to settle down.

2:50 – I try to recline back with Sunshine back to sleep on my chest.

2:50:15 – Sunshine doesn’t like this and I’m back to trying to sleep without my head lolling forward.

3:02 – The air conditioner starts up quietly.  The world’s most neurotic dog launches into a 5 minute barking tirade downstairs because we all know that we need protection from the scary air conditioning. 

The world’s most neurotic dog.

3:02:30 – Whirlwind is calling for Mama from his room.

3:02:35 – I am carrying a sleeping baby back down the hall to Whirlwind’s room, while yelling at the dog (along with a few curses said under my breath).

3:05 – Whirlwind is back to sleep.

3:10 – I am sandwiched between a sleeping baby and toddler, wide awake, writing this blog post on my phone.  See the photographic proof here.

The saying should be changed from “No rest for the wicked” to “No rest for Moms….ever”.


A Tale of Two Births

Baby Sunshine was born almost two weeks ago as the first light broke in the morning.  She weighed in at 9 pounds 0 ounces and was 21.6 inches long.  She is beautiful – fair skin, light hair and looks like her Daddy.  We are so happy to have her here to complete our family.  Her birth story is everything that I have ever wanted.  We are so happy with the care that we received from Seven Generations Midwives in Toronto and are thrilled to have that care for 6 postpartum weeks.

Unfortunately, Whirlwind’s birth story could not be the same.  With his pregnancy, I chose to go with a midwife because I felt that they could provide the support that I needed being so far from my family.  While my midwives and midwifery practice provided excellent care, I felt that it was not culturally appropriate care.  Whirlwind was a large neonate, born at 10 pounds, 10 ounces and is in fact still in the 98th percentile for his age.  My midwives were constantly concerned about his size and were always scrutinizing my diet.  I had to endure two short and two long gestational diabetes screens because they could not fathom that First Nation women often grow larger babies with no clinical cause.  After made to feel like it was somehow my fault that my baby was growing too large, I was sent to a neonatologist who did have experience working with First Nation women.  She made me feel a lot better because she didn’t seem to think that my baby was too large at all.  She assured me that First Nation women were evolutionary built for childbirth and could push a baby out sideways.  It’s too bad that this was not the case.

My water broke at 9 AM in the evening and I had to go to the hospital to begin antibiotics because I was positive for Group B Streptococcus.  I paged my primary midwife and she was attending another birth.  I paged the back-up midwife and she was also attending another birth.  A third midwife, whom I had never met before, was to meet me at the hospital.  Upon arrival we were greeted by hospital staff that did not seem too keen on midwifery care.  The doctor on call was paged and she pretty much flat out lied to us by telling us that we needed to begin inducement immediately.  What I didn’t know at the time was that as soon as we agreed to begin pitocin, we would be signed out of midwifery care and into medical care.  The drip started and double peaked contractions in my back started immediately.  I laboured like this for approximately 25 hours, receiving 6 doses of antibiotics.  At this point, a nurse talked me into getting an epidural.  She told me that it would help me rest and if a cesarean was required, I would already have a port for anesthetic.  I was able to sleep for two hours and found I had progressed from 2-3 cm to 8 while I slept.  I continued to labour and the effects of the epidural wore off (I did not have a remote to deliver a bolus).  Fuzz requested more and he was told that they would be in shortly.  They never came with more and when they did finally come, they told me that it was too late to get more.  A nurse did check me and told me that I only had a lip on my cervix to go.  She told me to start tiny push pulses until the doctor was able to come in.  I did this for a while but it became almost impossible to stop from pushing.  By the time the doctor arrived, my cervix had swelled back to 8 cm.  I was told I needed a cesarean.  Whirlwind was born at 3:10 AM, 30 hours after my water broke.  I was completely drugged up and do not remember much of the surgery or first day of recovery.  Apparently, I was screaming that I would not know how to feed my baby when being transferred to my room.  I was also not able to keep my placenta for ceremony reasons, because it was hospital policy to retain placentas after cesareans.  I was later informed it was sent to the incinerator. 

The weeks that followed were a challenge as well.  Not because of the recovery from the surgery itself (which was in fact, very easy for me) but because of the residual effects of the surgery.  My breast milk was not coming in as quickly as it should have and Whirlwind had lost too much weight.  I had to tube feed with formula and take herbal supplements.  He also had impaired sucking capabilities and breastfeeding was excruciating.  I would start crying a half hour before I knew it was time to feed him.  We saw five public health nurses and one sucking specialist, but no one could help.  Finally, almost three months later, I called my local La Leche League.  Dee came to my house that same morning and within ten minutes had our problem diagnosed.  We had thrush.  No one had asked me about our birth experience before her, and it turns out our problem was directly related to it.  The massive amount of antibiotics we were given (7 bags) had allowed yeast to grow on my breasts and in Whirlwind’s mouth.  We treated that and everything vastly improved.

After everything, I was still greatly disappointed with his birth.  I was so very happy that he was here but I felt the hospital bullied me into taking interventions that prolonged the labour. I then eventually required a cesarean.  I did not want this for my second child.

When I found out I was expecting the second time, I immediately called Seven Generations Midwives of Toronto (a midwifery practice that prioritizes care for Aboriginal women).   They were willing to provide care even though I lived outside of their catchment area.  I made my appointments for days that I was in the city for work and drove in to the city when required.  Receiving culturally appropriate care was that important to me. 

My primary midwife, Jessica, is fantastic.  She is knowledgeable, caring and patient.  She explained everything to me before I knew it was something I should be asking.  It was she who actually explained that I WAS actually bullied and I did not require a lot of the interventions forced on me at the hospital.  She also questioned a lot of decisions made that day because I was actually displaying a lot of classic signs of various conditions (posterior baby, thrush, etc) that were not caught while in labour when they were easily mitigated.  My secondary midwife, Alanna, is very nurturing and was able to provide emotional prenatal care.  She also was able to alleviate some of my fear about integrating a second baby into our family unit.  Lastly, Jessica’s back-up midwife, Nicole, was able to assist Jessica while I was recovering from active labour.  She helped clean up, repair, complete reports and was able to find me the only food available in the ward at 5 AM…the most delicious cardboard-y cheese sandwich and jello.  She also assisted with breastfeeding and skin-to-skin contact.  She even used an old Guatemalan trick to help me pee for the first time because my IV could not be removed until then.

The birth itself was wonderful.  It was just Jessica, Fuzz and I in the most comfortable birthing room at Sunnybrook hospital.  I arrived there at 11 PM with contractions 3 minutes apart and 4 cm dilated.  I laboured with Jessica’s encouragement until 3 AM when I reached 6 cm.  I was so tired at this point because I had again been up for almost 24 hours – why must my babies be born at night…it would be lovely to have them after a night’s rest – haha!  I had asked for something to help me rest for a few hours so I could finish the job.  After a lengthy discussion, I decided on an epidural because it would help me rest with no implications to the baby.  Other medications would pass the placenta to also drug my baby.  Jessica called the anesthesiologist and I got up to use the washroom for the last time.  As Fuzz was helping me off the end of the bed, my water broke all over his feet.  While sitting on the toilet, I told Jessica that I felt a lot of pressure and the urge to push.  She checked me and I was already at 8 cm.  The anesthesiologist came in and gave me the epidural at 4:00 AM.  As he had me lay down to check my blood pressure, I told Jessica that I really needed to push.  She checked again and I was 10 cm.  I went from 6 cm to 10 cm in 15 minutes.  So much for my nap!  I pushed and 23 minutes later, Sunshine was there…even before Nicole arrived to help.  It was just Jessica delivering the baby with Fuzz’s help.  He did so well that he could moonlight as a midwife.

The last two weeks have been fantastic.  Sunshine is an excellent sleeper and eater.  We have not had any problems breast-feeding as she is a natural.  Once my milk came in, she gained an entire pound in four days!  Whirlwind is an excellent big brother.  He is always kissing and rubbing her head while making cooing noises.

Regardless of how they got here, we are so happy they are here.   Sunshine definitely completes our family and Fuzz and I are so in love with our kids.