Native Girl Problems

I happen to be very proud to be a Anishinaabe girl. Yes, a girl more accurately describes me because my taste and humour tend to be too crude to fit the modern definition of a woman.

I’ve recently taken back to running. I love running because it gets a sweat going but I also need to lose some weight. Nobody wants sugar diabetes (as Mama would say). After a run this morning, I was laying on the mat stretching. Looking at my ankles it occurred to me that I always lose weight from ankles first….then from my butt. My butt is the last place I want to lose weight – do you know how many squats I have to do just to keep a few inches there? Even with my few extra inches there, Fuzz still affectionately refers to it as my bannock butt. So that got me thinking about other Native girl problems. A few of my problems had me chuckling in the shower, so I thought I would share:

– Never knowing my pant size because the pants that actually fit my wide hips, flat butt and skinny legs cause an enormous muffin explosion. Try everything on!

– My bathroom storage overflowing with razor refills because I get a new package in every Christmas stocking but have no body hair to shave

– In a related note, having eyebrows in M.A.C. eye shadow “Night Maneuvers” because my eye brows need help to be seen

– Having to stand when I go to get a trim because my hair is too long for the hairdresser to reach even when the chair is as high as it can go

– Getting fish blood out from under my nails is next to impossible

– Having a long line of “pick-up artists” following and smiling at me in Bass Pro Shop because of my brown skin and scent of smudge

– Grease stained shirts because oil from the fry bread pan keeps splashing on them

– Having non-Natives guessing my background: Hawaiian, East Indian, Polynesian, Samoan, or Asian; followed by my smug satisfaction when I can say Native and they look fearful

– Getting bruises when my cousins laugh and hit my arm or when I fall off the bed backwards from throwing my head back in laughter

– Tanning of the skin happens unimaginably fast. Almost too fast (case in point).

For those not familiar with Native humour, these “problems” are done in jest; it is certainly undeniable how awesome Native girls are. Just ask Fuzz.


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